Resume

Mini CV – 20061201

People tell me that I was one of the pioneers of British Internet but a lot of this happened in the 1980’s and I have mentally blocked it all out. I can, however, claim to be the first person in the country to offer free public Internet access which was in the 1990’s when hairstyles were less embarrassing. I worked for many years in Internet security, spent a few years tracking down hackers and was on the team who built BT’s first Internet service before eventually
ending up as BT’s main customer security person which meant I told government, banks, supermarkets and other such wonderful organisations what to do only to have them completely ignore me; still, despite sacking me three times during my time there, they paid me bucket loads of cash so for a while it was ok by me.

I formed a couple of companies of my own, was sued for all of the aforementioned bucket loads of cash by Harrods and British Airports because I owned harrods.com and baa.com and decided to retreat to the relative safety of teaching people at Middlesex University about security, risk and the best ways to steal things from my previous clients and to stop people like me stealing things from them. As the result of an investigation into false-qualifications I have tonnes of degrees, phd’s and a couple of MBA’s. On paper, I am overqualified for nearly every job in the world. I eventually retired from the rat-race to start to write more and I am currently at the “I have a title.  What more do you want?” stage of 4 books. Technically this is something of a lie since I only have a title for 2 of them. I am at my best writing 55 word fiction stories which suit my pathetic attention span wonderfully.

I once accidentally spent a year as a text message girl of the sort  you see advertised in the back of cheap Men’s Magazines; mostly because the job ended up more interesting than writing the expose article into the business which was the original plan. Somewhere along the line, I was also a professional bodyguard, and I run one of the biggest Freecycle groups in the country.  These two items are not related. I also find it somewhat odd that I have never been called for interview for any job that I have ever had to submit a CV for. If anyone had ever told me that honesty was the best policy I may present this as empirical evidence against that statement.

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